A Long-Distance Relationship with a Toddler
Oh to be an aunt in the 21st century! My wonderful little nephew Theo was born in London as a Christmas present, and I happened to be visiting from Germany at the time – a privilege I’ll always treasure, even if he’s far too young to remember it himself. From the very beginning, my ambition was clear: to play a real role in his life, despite the distance and not just a name attached to the occasional gift.
The first obvious answer is simply spending quality time together in person. But reality doesn’t allow that. I was studying law in another country, buried in exam preparation, and have since moved even further away, to the American West Coast. Meanwhile, Theo’s parents have their own wonderfully busy life in London. The gaps between visits have only grown wider. The moments we do get are rare, precious, and usually shared with a room full of other people – so I’ve learned to make every second count. This is, of course, not a problem unique to me. Countless aunts and uncles find themselves in the same position: living cities, countries, or continents away from the small people they love most, watching childhoods unfold mostly through screens and secondhand stories.
Which brings me to the second, less obvious ingredient in staying close to Theo – one that has surprisingly little to do with me. From day one, his parents made a conscious decision to talk about family constantly. My name comes up again and again, tied to photos and memories of our time together. The result, to the delight of everyone involved, is that Theo doesn’t just recognise – he learned names and faces, interacts and isn’t shy towards us. It’s a quiet reminder that presence isn’t only physical; it can be built, patiently, by the people around a child.
Thirdly, there are the tools of the 21st century itself. Let me be clear: I don’t think a phone screen can ever replace an in-person moment. But it is the medium that makes a long-distance relationship with a toddler possible at all. How else would Theo know what I sound like, or what makes me me, if we never interact? The basic thing is exchanging photos and messages. Theo even has a little audio player that lets him replay poems I’ve recorded for him; verses I loved as a child myself, chosen partly because they bring me joy, and partly as a small dose of German children’s culture. Most of the communication happens over the miracle of FaceTime. Calls with Theo, Max, and Lauren are a chaotic mix of chatting and pulling faces – but the most striking payoff of his parents’ efforts to include the long- distance family is this: Theo now asks, by name, to call specific family members. Every so often, I’m granted that honor. He calls to show off a new toy, demonstrate his rapidly expanding vocabulary, or perform a little dance show. I’m always moved that he wants to talk to me – and I know from the rest of the family that I’m not the only one.
So what’s the verdict on long-distance aunt-hood? It’s possible – but it doesn’t happen by accident. It takes deliberate effort, from the aunt trying to stay present, but also from parents willing to keep her alive in a child’s world through stories, photos, and names spoken often enough to stick. Lucky me! Like any long-distance relationship, it’s shaped by longing – by all the ordinary moments you miss. But maybe that’s exactly what makes the moments you do get so much sharper, so much more vivid. Distance doesn’t have to mean absence. Sometimes it just means loving someone a little more intentionally.
Contributing Article written by: Lena Geerling
Aunty to the OG Pretzel - Lena is a hard-working law student splitting her time between Germany and the USA—because clearly one legal system wasn't enough of a challenge. When she's not studying, she's out on long, leisurely walks, exploring new places, or settled round a fire-pit with a beer, deep in conversation with the people she loves—and usually winning the debate, whatever it's about. Endlessly curious and always up for a good discussion, she's every bit as invested in Pretzel's adventures as the rest of the family.
